Working and Walking

Working from home has its benefits:

• no daily commute (especially beneficial in pregnancy)
• no overbearing manager checking what I'm doing every 5 mins
• flexibility - I can pop out to the shops/put on some laundry/bake some bread whilst still working

But it also have some definite downfalls:

• not much work social scene
• no one to chat to over the water cooler
• no reason to leave the house - I realised yesterday that I hadn't left the house since sunday, that's 4 days!!

Don't worry, at that point I decided that enough was enough and walked down to meet Grant at the station.

The trouble is, I'm not very good at doing exercise at all. Walking is about as active I get! I love going for walks if I have someone to join me - a dog or child will do - and I am happy to walk most places if I have a purpose - need to pop to the shops, post a letter etc - but I'm not very good at just walking aimlessly on my own. I feel a bit silly walking around my area for no reason and if I go off the beaten path, I don't feel very safe on my own - who knows what could happen and no one would know where I was... I am a worrier in general!

We live in a small flat so I'm expecting to need lots of 'get out of the house' plans once the baby arrives. I hope having a baby to push around and to take to feed the ducks will give me more drive to get out of the house and get some air and a change of scenery.

Monday Blues

I've had a bit of a weepy day today. I'm not even sure why!

I had my 16 week midwife appointment this morning, just like after my first appointment, I left feeling as though it had all been a bit of a waste of time!

I did get to hear my baby's heart beat, which a relief, not that I had been worrying about the baby (until she got the Doppler out!) and I had my urine tested, which was also fine.

I didn't really know what to expect from her today, but I didn't expect to feel so much in limbo - too far in to the pregnancy to be a concern, too early to be given any information about labour and what happens after the birth.

I know I should be pleased that there were no causes for concern, and I am, don't get me wrong, but it does leave me feeling that first time mothers really don't get much support from the professionals who are supposed to be overseeing the pregnancy and birth. It's no wonder websites offering forums and advice are so popular, and thank goodness they are so prolific, but do they always give the most accurate advice? I feel that I should take everything I read on-line with a pinch of salt.

Anyway, this didn't in itself set off the waterworks, generally work issues were to blame there, but I do think the feeling of disappointment I came away from the midwife with set me up to have an emotional day.

Information Addict

Since finding out about my pregnancy I have become an information junkie!

I've been spending a stupid amount of time looking at just about every baby related website I can find.

Unfortunately I work from home and so have no one looking over me, checking up on what I'm doing and I can often lose a whole afternoon just reading forums, blogs and information sites, oh and not to mention the baby product websites!

I also have a few magazines and books that I've been given, which are also a complete distraction - I think because I'm reading or working on my lap top I can pretend that I'm doing something worthwhile and productive - never mind that it is completely unrelated to my work.

If I worked for myself I suppose it wouldn't be so bad, but I work for my family and now feel guilty for wasting the time that they are paying me to work in! Not sure how I can solve this problem. When I try and be strict with myself I find I can't concentrate on my work anyway which feels less productive than researching baby stuff.

Maybe I will grow out of it as I become more used to being pregnant. However I fear the opposite will happen and the nearer I get to the due date the less engaged in my work I will be - I'm sure this is normal when you only have a few weeks until your baby is due but I have 5 months to get through!

Ultimately it shows how little interest I have in my career. I've never been passionate about any job I have done and have battled mild depression for several years because of my feelings of inadequacy towards my career. It has only been since I found out about my baby that I have begun to feel happy again which highlights to me how important having a child and being a mother is to me. I'm just worried I will become dependent on my baby to be happy.