I'm back... 6 month update!

Hello there! I have finally emerged from the fog that has been the last 6 months so I thought it was about time I revisited my much neglected blog.

So much has happened since I last posted that I don't know where to begin.

Sleep - Olivia has never really liked sleeping much but she is getting better at it! She will now nap for around 90mins if I time it right - sometimes even twice a day!! She still doesn't sleep through but I don't really see that as anything unusual for a baby of her age. She has improved quite a bit from the 2 hourly wakings and now often goes from 6pm-6am with only two wakings which isn't so bad. Grant is also doing the night feeds which obviously helps me enormously.

Milk - I have stopped breast feeding. It was a tough decision to make but in the end we went for it. I was so determined not to give formula but I was getting so exhausted that I could hardly function. I was teary, achey, moody and generally not doing very well so we decided that switching would be the best thing.

I am proud that I pretty much exclusively breast fed for 5 months and I do wish at times that I had carried on for longer. We stopped a bit more suddenly than I had planned as once Olivia had had a bottle during the day she no longer had the patience to wait for let down! Then we stopped night feeds so she's sleep a bit longer - we've gone from me getting up 3-5 times in the night to Grant feeding her before he comes to bed then once more during the night which is a much better situation (for me anyway!).

Food - We started weaning about a month ago when Olivia was about 5.5 months old. She was showing all the signs of being ready - great hand to mouth coordination, sitting up well in the high chair and wanting to join in when I was eating. She seems to love her food which is great.

I decided that we would use the baby led weaning approach (loosely) as it seemed a much more natural and instinctual way of feeding. I also didn't like the idea of spending ages concocting purees for her when she could just eat what ever I was having (mostly). I do spoon feed her some foods - ready break and yoghurt for example but she also takes the spoon and feeds herself too.

So far she has eaten most things I have given her, except egg which she doesn't seem to care for. She'll eat sandwiches which amazes parents of babies who were/are puree weaned, however she does dismantle them first! Roast beef has probably been her favourite thing so far, closely followed bu courgette fritters which I made for lunch today and were gobbled up with hardly any dropped - I enjoyed them too and they were so easy to make, I'll put the recipe below.

Crawling - Olivia is crawling! I think 6 months is quite early for this but as she has always been a big baby I think she has a bit more strength than she would have had if she was smaller. It's great to see her zooming across the floor but scary how suddenly everything is hazardous and I have to watch her so closely - I might get a plan pen but not sure how she'd react to it after having the run of the sitting room.

House - we are still in a one bed roomed flat at the moment which means Olivia is still in our room - not ideal! However we are moving at the end of the month into a 3 bed roomed semi-detached house!!! I won't know what to do with all the extra space but I'm sure we'll fill it in no time at all. It is extra exciting because we are buying not renting for the first time ever.

Courgette Fritter Recipe:

It's a bit rough as I couldn't remember the recipe I found!

makes approx 8 fritters:

Grate a courgette and squeeze out all the moisture, mix in 1 egg and about a table spoon of plain flour and a dash of milk - add more or less milk and flour to get a thick pancake batter.

Heat a frying pan up with a small amount of oil, dollop in a large spoon of the mix and squash down to make roundish patties. Fry until coloured on both sides - careful with the thickness otherwise they won't cook all the way through.

We had ours with a fried egg as it was brunch but they would go well with lots of things - you could also add herbs to give a bit more flavouring.

8 weeks

Well it's been a while since I blogged (again!) but time to do it is hard to come by, any spare moments I get I just want to sleep!

Sleep... ah that would be nice! I am breast feeding on demand, which I love, but I would love it even more if Olivia would sleep a bit longer in the early mornings! Lately she's been waking up around 2-3am then again at 4 or 5 then 6. All these wakings are taking its toll on me and to some extent Grant.

I got really excited about a week ago as she slept 6 hours in a row which meant I was only up once in the night. Unfortunately we haven't had a repeat of this.

The health visitor came yesterday and weighed Olivia. She was 9lbs 12oz at birth and is now 12lbs 5oz! We're very happy with this steady growth and the health visitor was pleased with her development generally. I think I've been lucky with my health visitor as she's lovely - I've heard horror stories from other people about their health visitors.

We had a bit of a worry a couple of weeks ago when Olivia caught a cold. Around 10pm on a Friday evening I was convinced she had a fever so we rang NHS direct and were advised by the GP on call to go to hospital to get it checked out. We didn't have a thermometer so had no idea if her temperature was high but she felt hot to touch and I think I panicked a bit! They checked her at hospital and she was absolutely fine which was a huge relief and although I felt a bit silly for overreacting, I'm glad we went.

I'm starting a mums and babies yoga course on Monday. I'm really looking forward to doing some gentle and social exercise. I'll be back in my prepregnancy jeans in no time! Ha ha!

3 weeks

I've been meaning to post for ages but never seem to get round to it but today is the 3 week mark so I thought it would be a good day to get back into the swing of my blog!

Thank you for all the messages of congratulations and sorry for not responding to them individually. I read them a while ago but as I've said above, I just haven't got round to writing anything since the birth.

Things have been relatively good so far...

...ok so she doesn't like evenings - between 8pm and 1am we are constantly winding her and she won't settle any where other than on a shoulder whilst being walked around (apparently I was the same at this age!) which make me think she might be suffering from colic?

Once she's had a feed at around 1am she sleeps until 5/5.30ish and then again until 7.30/8ish so things could be a lot worse!

I think I've been really lucky with breast feeding. I had sore nipples to start with but everything seems to be going smoothly now and she seems to be settling into a sort of routine. The health visitor weighed her on Friday and she had put on 2oz since birth - she lost 6 oz in the first week so she put on 8oz in the second week - which is great as it must be every breast feeding mother's worry that baby isn't getting enough milk as there is no way of measuring the amount they're getting at each feed.

We've had quite a busy week so far - I ventured out for the first time without Grant on Monday. We met up with some other mummies for coffee which really helped me feel a bit more normal! On Tuesday we went to stay with my mum for the night. Olivia met her great grand parents, great aunty and uncle and one of her uncles as well as a few other friends of the family. My mum loved having us to stay and was a real help looking after Olivia - she took over the shoulder walking whilst I got a few hours sleep!

Today we're having a quiet day at home which has been lovely. Grant has been back at work so we've had the house to ourselves. I really miss him during the day but it is also nice to get into to a bit of a routine - we seem to slip into weekend veg mode when we are both here during the day!

My Baby Girl - Birth Story

I'm pleased to announce the birth of my beautiful (I am biased!) baby girl who came into this world at 9.14am on Thursday morning.

The birth was completely different to what I had planned. I was hoping for a home birth but unfortunately as I went over due I was booked in for an induction at term plus 12.

On arrival in hospital on Wednesday morning I was found to be 4cm dilated so they planned to break my waters and see how I progressed. Unfortunately the antenatal ward were unable to perform ARM (artificial rupture of membranes) until labour ward had a delivery room available.

The day dragged! We were given hardly any information or any updates on when they might be able to get things started. I was extremely anxious and nervous and felt as though we'd been forgotten. I ended up getting really upset and kept bursting into tears. The final straw came when I asked for some paracetamol for the pain I was starting to feel and two hours later we had to ask again as nothing had materialised. At this point we had been there 10 hours and were very fed up so asked if we could go home as it seemed pointless being there.

Strangely, having threatened to go home, labour ward were suddenly able to fit us in! So my waters were broken and I was taken through to a delivery room. From this point on things started to get better.

The midwife happened to be the same community midwife I'd seen for the last five of my antenatal checks which immediately put me at my ease. She left me for an hour to see how I was progressing but unfortunately, although the contractions were getting very strong and painful, I hadn't dilated any more than I had that morning. At this point the decision was made to put me on the syntocinon drip and I decided I'd have an epidural as I had heard that contractions can get extremely strong very quickly when syntocinon is given.

The epidural was great! I still felt the pressure of each contraction and I wasn't completely pain free but it did enable me to get some rest - much needed after days of sleepless nights worrying about being induced!

After about 8 hours of labour, I was fully dilated and ready to start pushing. We let the epidural wear off so that I was able to feel the contractions, get onto my knees and push effectively.

40 mins later, Olivia was born - head and hand first in a superman pose.

The whole experience was amazing and nothing can describe the joy I felt holding her in my arms for the first time, watching her crawl to my breast for her first feed.

After one night on the postnatal ward we were discharged and were able to go home. We've had a few days of visiting grandparents but today, finally the three of us are having a lovely chilled out day together. Grant is being a fantastic Daddy, changing the majority of nappies and generally looking after us, what ever time day or night.

Induction looking likely!

My induction has been booked for Wednesday. Hopefully all they will do is break my waters as I was already 2-3cm dilated on Friday when the Midwife did my sweep, but if that doesn't start the contractions off I will have to have the drip.

With a bit of luck I won't need the drip and I'll still be able to have a fairly natural birth in the birthing centre with the pool... knowing my luck though, I'll end up on the drip and having an epidural. At least I'll finally meet my baby!

The worst thing about being over due is the not knowing. I'm waiting for something to happen, but I don't really know what is going to happen. Every tightening, cramp, ache and pain gets my hopes up. I'm trying not to get excited but each time I can't help but think 'maybe something is happening...'

For the past few evenings I've gone to bed with tightenings but woken up with nothing. This morning has been different - I'm definitely getting some different pains and stronger tightenings but am trying really hard to ignore them for now so I don't get feel so disappointed when nothing comes of it! Not so easy to do...

I'm going to have a hot bath, go for a walk and try and enjoy the sunshine outside to take my mind off things!

41 weeks

I'd really like to be able to write that I've had my baby, unfortunately I'm a week over due instead!

I've got another sweep booked for this morning so with a bit of luck my wait may finally be over soon... I'm really anxious that I'll still be pregnant in the middle of next week and will have to be induced, something I am really hoping to avoid.

My late Grandad's birthday was the 12th February so it would be really lovely if the baby shared this date, or maybe she'll be a valentine's baby. Who knows!

I've been trying pretty much every trick in the book to help things along; hot curry, hot baths, sex, long walks, bouncing on a gym ball, evening primrose oil... every little ache and pain I get I cross my fingers but to no avail. Looks like I'll just have to be patient.

It's not all doom and gloom - although I am getting more and more impatient to meet my baby, I'm also loving this time of freedom - no work, no baby, just time for me! I've been able to enjoy just pottering about the house, watching films and reading my book, as well as having my hair cut and I've even got round to sorting out the 'junk' cupboard in the kitchen. I'm feeling really rested and ready for the arrival of our new family member.

40 weeks and counting!

This should be my last bump photo... fingers crossed anyway!

I reached my due date yesterday which was exciting. I know only 5% of first time babies are born on their due date but I couldn't help but think maybe something will happen! It didn't...

I saw my midwife who performed a stretch and sweep, and I was 2cm dilated!!! Which got me very excited but she was quick to tell me that it could still be a while before anything happens. I was given instructions to stay active so have been blitzing the house in between dragging Grant out for walks and bouncing on my gym ball!

I think I was pretty anxious about yesterday as I hardly slept on Thursday night. Last night I managed to sleep all the way through from 1.30am to 7.30am which I think is the best night's sleep I've had for weeks. Let's hope that this continues until after the baby is born so that I'm as rested as possible in preparation for the sleep deprivation I'm sure is to come!

38 weeks today...

... and I'm still pregnant!

I keep hoping that the baby will arrive soon but I have a feeling it will be after my due date!

Things are starting to move in the right direction though; I'm 3/5 engaged, getting back ache and cramps and the Braxton Hicks have moved up several gears and are getting very uncomfortable. But I know all these signs are to be expected in the weeks leading up to labour and that they don't mean anything is imminent but I can't help the wishful thinking!

I'm trying to keep busy and active to take my mind off it but it is hard not to let my mind wander and start to think about the birth and the baby that will be the product of all these months of pregnancy.

I keep having half hearted bouts of nesting but I don't think the nesting instinct is something that comes naturally to me - I keep thinking I really should hoover that floor... really should sort out that cupboard... but these jobs haven't yet been attempted and it's unlikely they will be!

36 Week Bump Photo

It feels a lot bigger than it looks!

36 weeks - well almost...

I'm 36 weeks tomorrow! Suddenly 40 weeks isn't so far away.

We had our first parentcraft session on Tuesday. It was really good to have my knowledge reinforced and supplemented by one of the community mid wives. It is quite amazing really when we have so much info on the internet, in books and in magazines these days but it still really helps to hear it from an expert. It is also really reassuring to know that other parents have the same questions and worries as us. We only get two 2hr sessions which doesn't seem very much compared to other areas but I'm sure all the major points will be covered.

I've been feeling fairly heavy and tired since Christmas and my sleeping has become more and more disrupted - I'm pretty sure this is just going to get worse - perhaps it's nature's way of preparing the body for sleep deprivation once the baby has arrived! Other than the tiredness and general aches and pains I am still feeling very well and keep getting told I'm blooming so I count myself very lucky as I know some people really suffer, especially towards the end of their pregnancies. I do have to keep reminding myself to slow down though. I get these sudden surges of energy and end up over doing things then feeling drained for the rest of the day!

The shape of things to come...

I couldn't resist taking these photos of baby grows drying on my radiator today - they looked so cute all lined up! I have now washed everything in preparation for the arrival, more for novelty value that good organisation!

I will be 36 weeks tomorrow so the weeks are passing by very quickly now. It really dawned on me last week just how close I am - I was shopping and every shop assistant I spoke to kept asking me when I was due and how was I feeling - it made me feel very special!

Bump Gallery

As you will see from the below, I have grown quite a lot in the last 31 weeks! I had started taking a bump photo every week but we kept forgetting - now it's when ever I remember....

31 week bump

25 week bump

20 week bump

16 week bump

I wonder how big I will eventually get - I have managed to make to with my regular winter coat so far - I can just do up one button and the belt to keep me warm but I think I shall have to find something larger for my last couple of months.

28 weeks today - the 3rd trimester!

Wow - I am 28 weeks today!

Now I am officially in the 3rd trimester, everything suddenly feels a bit unreal. It's almost as though I can't believe that in just 12 weeks my bump will be replaced with a real life baby. That point has seemed so far off for so long and now it is finally in sight.

No photo today - I don't really think I've grown much since the last one and my weight gain seems to have slowed slightly - not stopped though!

I've got my 28 week midwife appointment and bloods on Monday and I'm hoping to get some information about the hospital tour and antenatal classes. Grant is coming with me this time so hopefully I'll feel less deflated when I leave.

Body Image and Pregnancy

I'm 27 weeks today! The 28 week point and the third trimester is almost here and I'm getting more and more excited about the arrival of baby in 3 months time!

I'm also growing! I feel huge and my mum and Grant are sure that I have got bigger in just a few days. Looking at this photo though, I look quite small still. It's weird how our perceptions of ourselves differ. When I look down or look in the mirror I see a massive belly in front of me, I feel as though I have a bowling ball strapped to my waist.

I took this photo this morning to show how much I've grown and am quite surprised at how little and neat my bump is. It's nice to see. Although I'm loving being pregnant and have never felt so at ease with my appearance - in fact I would go as far to say I have never felt this sexy and attractive - I still struggle a little to come to terms with comments like 'wow you're huge' or 'gosh and you've still got 3 more months!'.

Most people are overly aware of their size - in my experience it is normally those who have nothing to worry about that are more aware of every little gain or loss in their weight and I would say our media is to blame there. It seems to me that during pregnancy women are not meant to have any feelings about their appearance. We're meant to bloom, to revel in the fact that our body is growing huge to provide life to another and accept others commenting freely on how we look.

I'm lucky in that I haven't had any strangers coming up to me and touching my bump or giving me well meaning 'advice', but I do have a mother who has always been very body conscious - not just with her own body but mine as well - and who comments weekly on how much I've grown. She doesn't do it with any malice or unpleasantness, she just makes the comment.

I've also got a very well meaning step father who thinks he knows everything there is to know about pregnancy. His experience comes from his ex wife's two pregnancies - over 30 years ago - and from farm animals - I had to tell him yesterday that I am not a cow! Again, he doesn't wish to be unpleasant or mean, he is often trying to sympathise with me, but sometimes it would be nice for him to realise that I am the expert when it comes to my body and my pregnancy, and not every women (or should that be female mammal) has the same pregnancy or the same feelings during pregnancy.

Sometimes it would be nice for them all to just recognise that I am going through a massive change in my life - both physically and psychologically - and the best support that they could give me would be to just let me be me.

Wow - I did not mean for this post to become such a rant, it was meant to be all about my growing bump and how excited I am to become a mother. I'm glad I wrote it all though as it's clearly been lurking under the surface for some time. I've been feeling quite emotionally fragile lately and have noticed signs of my depression creeping in again. I don't think it is anything to worry about but I do need to acknowledge these feelings so that I can nip them in the bud now and not let them take over like they did last year.

Baby Disco

For the last few days it has felt as though the baby is having a party in my tummy! The movement has been pretty much constant (except when Grant puts his hand on my belly). It is getting really strong now too and is sometimes a little bit painful but really reassuring to feel, even if I do feel like I have a little kick boxer inside me!

Not only can I feel the kicks but I can also see them. My whole stomach moves each time, as though she's trying to escape! I read that the baby will be going through a growth spurt now which may account for the extra force. I suppose she is making the most of the space while she can.

Luckily I seem to be able to sleep through them during the night but if I'm cuddling Grant he can feel them and often gets woken up. I find this incredible as normally he will sleep through everything and I wake up at the slightest noise, perhaps it is his protective father instincts kicking in!

I think I am experiencing a growth spurt too as I feel as though I get bigger every day. I feel huge now, although in some clothes I still don't really look pregnant, but then some clothes make me look ready to pop! I never really realised how tired carrying this extra weight would make me; just climbing the one flight of stairs up to our flat leaves me feeling a bit breathless - I'm 26 weeks now so I dread to think how I will be feeling at 36 weeks!

February still seems a long way off but when I look at it in terms of weeks it's nothing - especially with Christmas and all the excitement that comes with it! I am slowly gathering the things we need for the baby, although not going over board as space is limited in the flat. The car seat arrived today and I couldn't help having a little play with it and wheel it about on the chassis of the travel system we have bought. It looks very smart, and very comfortable for the little one - someone should invent a similar design for adult car seats!

A little lost

Just got back from my 25 week antenatal check. All was well so should be feeling happy but I'm not!

I seem to get this feeling after every appointment; slightly unsure, lost and clueless... I think subconsciously I think that the MW or the Dr will impart some valuable piece of knowledge that isn't to be found in any book, blog or forum that I've read or that I'll feel some sort of kinship with them - both of these things is highly unlikely and it is silly of me to pile on so much expectation when:

a) I am an information addict - if its out there I have probably already read it! Not that I am a know it all otherwise I wouldn't be feeling lost.

b) Both midwives and doctors are very busy people and see many pregnant women, I am just one more to see - for me this is my first time so everything is new, for them it is all routine and I should be happy that they are not in any way concerned about my pregnancy.

c) I have seen a different person for each check, how can I expect to develop a rapport in a 15min slot?!?

Anyway, my next is in 3 weeks and this time Grant is coming too, at least I will have some moral support and may feel more reassured as I think we will be discussing antenatal classes and the hospital tour.

For now I shall focus on the fact that the baby and I are fine and we are almost into the 3rd trimester so in the grand scheme of things, not long now till feb!

My Growing Bump

My bump has really started to grow now and I'm feeling huge! I'll be 24 weeks tomorrow and I keep reading that life starts to get more uncomfortable from here on as the baby will be having a growth spurt and putting on weight in the next couple of weeks.

Although I feel huge, whenever I see another pregnant women I suddenly feel quite small and inferior!

Anyway, to prove to myself that my tummy really is growing I took a photo this morning and although I look smaller than I feel, there is no mistaking my pregnant state!

It's not a great photo - I'm no artist and the light is all wrong!

Trip to hospital

I had a busy day on Wednesday; an old friend came down to London and we had a day walking about the shops. Half way through the afternoon I started to feel a tensing in my bump, a feeling that I hadn't had before, but I put to the back of my mind, not wanting to ruin the afternoon with any fuss.

By yesterday I was feeling pretty drained and after speaking to my Mum about the tensing, I realised I'd probably been feeling the beginnings of Braxton Hicks contractions. Both Mum and I thought it was possibly a bit early for these and although probably nothing to worry about, she said to call the midwife if it kept happening.

I got some more last night and again this morning so called the midewife team and was told to call the labour ward. They advised me it was probably nothing to worry about but could I come in and have a check up... this, of course, sent me in to panic overdrive!

2 hours and several checks from the hospital midwife and the doctor later, I am relieved to say that they sent me home. Panic over! It wasn't anything to worry about and the baby and I are ok, phew!

On a different note, it was great to see the labour ward as it really put my mind at ease about the birth. I had always been really unsure about hospital births. I am generally nervous in strange places and am a bit of a control freak. From quite early into my pregnancy I looked into a home birth and although I haven't spoken to my midwife about it yet, it was something that I was really keen on - mostly because I was really anti going to hospital!

Having seen the labour ward, I am reassured that it is not such a scary place, everyone was very friendly and helpful and the beds were in small wards of 4 or 6 - not quite the image I had of huge wards filled with screaming newborns and tired mothers.

Working and Walking

Working from home has its benefits:

• no daily commute (especially beneficial in pregnancy)
• no overbearing manager checking what I'm doing every 5 mins
• flexibility - I can pop out to the shops/put on some laundry/bake some bread whilst still working

But it also have some definite downfalls:

• not much work social scene
• no one to chat to over the water cooler
• no reason to leave the house - I realised yesterday that I hadn't left the house since sunday, that's 4 days!!

Don't worry, at that point I decided that enough was enough and walked down to meet Grant at the station.

The trouble is, I'm not very good at doing exercise at all. Walking is about as active I get! I love going for walks if I have someone to join me - a dog or child will do - and I am happy to walk most places if I have a purpose - need to pop to the shops, post a letter etc - but I'm not very good at just walking aimlessly on my own. I feel a bit silly walking around my area for no reason and if I go off the beaten path, I don't feel very safe on my own - who knows what could happen and no one would know where I was... I am a worrier in general!

We live in a small flat so I'm expecting to need lots of 'get out of the house' plans once the baby arrives. I hope having a baby to push around and to take to feed the ducks will give me more drive to get out of the house and get some air and a change of scenery.

Movement

I've been suffering from writers block this week. The weather has been dull and so has my mood!

But the sun is out this afternoon and I was given a little treat all of my own earlier... I felt baby's first kick!

I've been feeling slight movement for a little while but it is hard to tell if its the baby or just wind! Today, however, I definitely got a kick :)

I was just sitting at my computer with my hand on my tummy and suddenly I felt a sharp but light pressure in my side, below my hand.

I was so overcome with emotion and it was a real shame that Grant wasn't there to share the experience with me, but so wonderful to properly feel the baby inside me.

It is sometimes easy to not feel very pregnant and to feel as though the baby will never arrive, but moments like that really confirm to me that I have a little person growing inside me and in a few months we'll meet that person!

I'm sure that there will come a time that I will have had enough of being kicked through the night, but for now, that little moment of movement has put a big smile on my face.