Induction looking likely!

My induction has been booked for Wednesday. Hopefully all they will do is break my waters as I was already 2-3cm dilated on Friday when the Midwife did my sweep, but if that doesn't start the contractions off I will have to have the drip.

With a bit of luck I won't need the drip and I'll still be able to have a fairly natural birth in the birthing centre with the pool... knowing my luck though, I'll end up on the drip and having an epidural. At least I'll finally meet my baby!

The worst thing about being over due is the not knowing. I'm waiting for something to happen, but I don't really know what is going to happen. Every tightening, cramp, ache and pain gets my hopes up. I'm trying not to get excited but each time I can't help but think 'maybe something is happening...'

For the past few evenings I've gone to bed with tightenings but woken up with nothing. This morning has been different - I'm definitely getting some different pains and stronger tightenings but am trying really hard to ignore them for now so I don't get feel so disappointed when nothing comes of it! Not so easy to do...

I'm going to have a hot bath, go for a walk and try and enjoy the sunshine outside to take my mind off things!

41 weeks

I'd really like to be able to write that I've had my baby, unfortunately I'm a week over due instead!

I've got another sweep booked for this morning so with a bit of luck my wait may finally be over soon... I'm really anxious that I'll still be pregnant in the middle of next week and will have to be induced, something I am really hoping to avoid.

My late Grandad's birthday was the 12th February so it would be really lovely if the baby shared this date, or maybe she'll be a valentine's baby. Who knows!

I've been trying pretty much every trick in the book to help things along; hot curry, hot baths, sex, long walks, bouncing on a gym ball, evening primrose oil... every little ache and pain I get I cross my fingers but to no avail. Looks like I'll just have to be patient.

It's not all doom and gloom - although I am getting more and more impatient to meet my baby, I'm also loving this time of freedom - no work, no baby, just time for me! I've been able to enjoy just pottering about the house, watching films and reading my book, as well as having my hair cut and I've even got round to sorting out the 'junk' cupboard in the kitchen. I'm feeling really rested and ready for the arrival of our new family member.

40 weeks and counting!

This should be my last bump photo... fingers crossed anyway!

I reached my due date yesterday which was exciting. I know only 5% of first time babies are born on their due date but I couldn't help but think maybe something will happen! It didn't...

I saw my midwife who performed a stretch and sweep, and I was 2cm dilated!!! Which got me very excited but she was quick to tell me that it could still be a while before anything happens. I was given instructions to stay active so have been blitzing the house in between dragging Grant out for walks and bouncing on my gym ball!

I think I was pretty anxious about yesterday as I hardly slept on Thursday night. Last night I managed to sleep all the way through from 1.30am to 7.30am which I think is the best night's sleep I've had for weeks. Let's hope that this continues until after the baby is born so that I'm as rested as possible in preparation for the sleep deprivation I'm sure is to come!

38 weeks today...

... and I'm still pregnant!

I keep hoping that the baby will arrive soon but I have a feeling it will be after my due date!

Things are starting to move in the right direction though; I'm 3/5 engaged, getting back ache and cramps and the Braxton Hicks have moved up several gears and are getting very uncomfortable. But I know all these signs are to be expected in the weeks leading up to labour and that they don't mean anything is imminent but I can't help the wishful thinking!

I'm trying to keep busy and active to take my mind off it but it is hard not to let my mind wander and start to think about the birth and the baby that will be the product of all these months of pregnancy.

I keep having half hearted bouts of nesting but I don't think the nesting instinct is something that comes naturally to me - I keep thinking I really should hoover that floor... really should sort out that cupboard... but these jobs haven't yet been attempted and it's unlikely they will be!

36 Week Bump Photo

It feels a lot bigger than it looks!

36 weeks - well almost...

I'm 36 weeks tomorrow! Suddenly 40 weeks isn't so far away.

We had our first parentcraft session on Tuesday. It was really good to have my knowledge reinforced and supplemented by one of the community mid wives. It is quite amazing really when we have so much info on the internet, in books and in magazines these days but it still really helps to hear it from an expert. It is also really reassuring to know that other parents have the same questions and worries as us. We only get two 2hr sessions which doesn't seem very much compared to other areas but I'm sure all the major points will be covered.

I've been feeling fairly heavy and tired since Christmas and my sleeping has become more and more disrupted - I'm pretty sure this is just going to get worse - perhaps it's nature's way of preparing the body for sleep deprivation once the baby has arrived! Other than the tiredness and general aches and pains I am still feeling very well and keep getting told I'm blooming so I count myself very lucky as I know some people really suffer, especially towards the end of their pregnancies. I do have to keep reminding myself to slow down though. I get these sudden surges of energy and end up over doing things then feeling drained for the rest of the day!

The shape of things to come...

I couldn't resist taking these photos of baby grows drying on my radiator today - they looked so cute all lined up! I have now washed everything in preparation for the arrival, more for novelty value that good organisation!

I will be 36 weeks tomorrow so the weeks are passing by very quickly now. It really dawned on me last week just how close I am - I was shopping and every shop assistant I spoke to kept asking me when I was due and how was I feeling - it made me feel very special!

Bump Gallery

As you will see from the below, I have grown quite a lot in the last 31 weeks! I had started taking a bump photo every week but we kept forgetting - now it's when ever I remember....

31 week bump

25 week bump

20 week bump

16 week bump

I wonder how big I will eventually get - I have managed to make to with my regular winter coat so far - I can just do up one button and the belt to keep me warm but I think I shall have to find something larger for my last couple of months.

28 weeks today - the 3rd trimester!

Wow - I am 28 weeks today!

Now I am officially in the 3rd trimester, everything suddenly feels a bit unreal. It's almost as though I can't believe that in just 12 weeks my bump will be replaced with a real life baby. That point has seemed so far off for so long and now it is finally in sight.

No photo today - I don't really think I've grown much since the last one and my weight gain seems to have slowed slightly - not stopped though!

I've got my 28 week midwife appointment and bloods on Monday and I'm hoping to get some information about the hospital tour and antenatal classes. Grant is coming with me this time so hopefully I'll feel less deflated when I leave.

Body Image and Pregnancy

I'm 27 weeks today! The 28 week point and the third trimester is almost here and I'm getting more and more excited about the arrival of baby in 3 months time!

I'm also growing! I feel huge and my mum and Grant are sure that I have got bigger in just a few days. Looking at this photo though, I look quite small still. It's weird how our perceptions of ourselves differ. When I look down or look in the mirror I see a massive belly in front of me, I feel as though I have a bowling ball strapped to my waist.

I took this photo this morning to show how much I've grown and am quite surprised at how little and neat my bump is. It's nice to see. Although I'm loving being pregnant and have never felt so at ease with my appearance - in fact I would go as far to say I have never felt this sexy and attractive - I still struggle a little to come to terms with comments like 'wow you're huge' or 'gosh and you've still got 3 more months!'.

Most people are overly aware of their size - in my experience it is normally those who have nothing to worry about that are more aware of every little gain or loss in their weight and I would say our media is to blame there. It seems to me that during pregnancy women are not meant to have any feelings about their appearance. We're meant to bloom, to revel in the fact that our body is growing huge to provide life to another and accept others commenting freely on how we look.

I'm lucky in that I haven't had any strangers coming up to me and touching my bump or giving me well meaning 'advice', but I do have a mother who has always been very body conscious - not just with her own body but mine as well - and who comments weekly on how much I've grown. She doesn't do it with any malice or unpleasantness, she just makes the comment.

I've also got a very well meaning step father who thinks he knows everything there is to know about pregnancy. His experience comes from his ex wife's two pregnancies - over 30 years ago - and from farm animals - I had to tell him yesterday that I am not a cow! Again, he doesn't wish to be unpleasant or mean, he is often trying to sympathise with me, but sometimes it would be nice for him to realise that I am the expert when it comes to my body and my pregnancy, and not every women (or should that be female mammal) has the same pregnancy or the same feelings during pregnancy.

Sometimes it would be nice for them all to just recognise that I am going through a massive change in my life - both physically and psychologically - and the best support that they could give me would be to just let me be me.

Wow - I did not mean for this post to become such a rant, it was meant to be all about my growing bump and how excited I am to become a mother. I'm glad I wrote it all though as it's clearly been lurking under the surface for some time. I've been feeling quite emotionally fragile lately and have noticed signs of my depression creeping in again. I don't think it is anything to worry about but I do need to acknowledge these feelings so that I can nip them in the bud now and not let them take over like they did last year.

Baby Disco

For the last few days it has felt as though the baby is having a party in my tummy! The movement has been pretty much constant (except when Grant puts his hand on my belly). It is getting really strong now too and is sometimes a little bit painful but really reassuring to feel, even if I do feel like I have a little kick boxer inside me!

Not only can I feel the kicks but I can also see them. My whole stomach moves each time, as though she's trying to escape! I read that the baby will be going through a growth spurt now which may account for the extra force. I suppose she is making the most of the space while she can.

Luckily I seem to be able to sleep through them during the night but if I'm cuddling Grant he can feel them and often gets woken up. I find this incredible as normally he will sleep through everything and I wake up at the slightest noise, perhaps it is his protective father instincts kicking in!

I think I am experiencing a growth spurt too as I feel as though I get bigger every day. I feel huge now, although in some clothes I still don't really look pregnant, but then some clothes make me look ready to pop! I never really realised how tired carrying this extra weight would make me; just climbing the one flight of stairs up to our flat leaves me feeling a bit breathless - I'm 26 weeks now so I dread to think how I will be feeling at 36 weeks!

February still seems a long way off but when I look at it in terms of weeks it's nothing - especially with Christmas and all the excitement that comes with it! I am slowly gathering the things we need for the baby, although not going over board as space is limited in the flat. The car seat arrived today and I couldn't help having a little play with it and wheel it about on the chassis of the travel system we have bought. It looks very smart, and very comfortable for the little one - someone should invent a similar design for adult car seats!

A little lost

Just got back from my 25 week antenatal check. All was well so should be feeling happy but I'm not!

I seem to get this feeling after every appointment; slightly unsure, lost and clueless... I think subconsciously I think that the MW or the Dr will impart some valuable piece of knowledge that isn't to be found in any book, blog or forum that I've read or that I'll feel some sort of kinship with them - both of these things is highly unlikely and it is silly of me to pile on so much expectation when:

a) I am an information addict - if its out there I have probably already read it! Not that I am a know it all otherwise I wouldn't be feeling lost.

b) Both midwives and doctors are very busy people and see many pregnant women, I am just one more to see - for me this is my first time so everything is new, for them it is all routine and I should be happy that they are not in any way concerned about my pregnancy.

c) I have seen a different person for each check, how can I expect to develop a rapport in a 15min slot?!?

Anyway, my next is in 3 weeks and this time Grant is coming too, at least I will have some moral support and may feel more reassured as I think we will be discussing antenatal classes and the hospital tour.

For now I shall focus on the fact that the baby and I are fine and we are almost into the 3rd trimester so in the grand scheme of things, not long now till feb!

My Growing Bump

My bump has really started to grow now and I'm feeling huge! I'll be 24 weeks tomorrow and I keep reading that life starts to get more uncomfortable from here on as the baby will be having a growth spurt and putting on weight in the next couple of weeks.

Although I feel huge, whenever I see another pregnant women I suddenly feel quite small and inferior!

Anyway, to prove to myself that my tummy really is growing I took a photo this morning and although I look smaller than I feel, there is no mistaking my pregnant state!

It's not a great photo - I'm no artist and the light is all wrong!

Trip to hospital

I had a busy day on Wednesday; an old friend came down to London and we had a day walking about the shops. Half way through the afternoon I started to feel a tensing in my bump, a feeling that I hadn't had before, but I put to the back of my mind, not wanting to ruin the afternoon with any fuss.

By yesterday I was feeling pretty drained and after speaking to my Mum about the tensing, I realised I'd probably been feeling the beginnings of Braxton Hicks contractions. Both Mum and I thought it was possibly a bit early for these and although probably nothing to worry about, she said to call the midwife if it kept happening.

I got some more last night and again this morning so called the midewife team and was told to call the labour ward. They advised me it was probably nothing to worry about but could I come in and have a check up... this, of course, sent me in to panic overdrive!

2 hours and several checks from the hospital midwife and the doctor later, I am relieved to say that they sent me home. Panic over! It wasn't anything to worry about and the baby and I are ok, phew!

On a different note, it was great to see the labour ward as it really put my mind at ease about the birth. I had always been really unsure about hospital births. I am generally nervous in strange places and am a bit of a control freak. From quite early into my pregnancy I looked into a home birth and although I haven't spoken to my midwife about it yet, it was something that I was really keen on - mostly because I was really anti going to hospital!

Having seen the labour ward, I am reassured that it is not such a scary place, everyone was very friendly and helpful and the beds were in small wards of 4 or 6 - not quite the image I had of huge wards filled with screaming newborns and tired mothers.

Salt and Sugar

People keep asking me if I've had any cravings yet and so far I haven't had any weird and wonderful cravings for anything specific (apart from mashed potato but think that was just because it was easy to stomach during my 1st trimester).

Lately however, I have noticed a definite trend towards sugary and salty snacks. I sent Grant out to buy me dairy milk last week and pork scratchings this week, I seem drawn to the olive counter in the supermarket and can't resist the freshly cooked chocolate cookies.

Normally I get my sweet fix from fresh fruit, which I still love and get plenty of, but it just doesn't quite cut it at the moment. As for the salty stuff, I don't really eat much normally at all, which makes me think maybe it's signalling a deficiency in something... must look it up on google!

Right, I'm now off to find some chocolate!

Movement

I've been suffering from writers block this week. The weather has been dull and so has my mood!

But the sun is out this afternoon and I was given a little treat all of my own earlier... I felt baby's first kick!

I've been feeling slight movement for a little while but it is hard to tell if its the baby or just wind! Today, however, I definitely got a kick :)

I was just sitting at my computer with my hand on my tummy and suddenly I felt a sharp but light pressure in my side, below my hand.

I was so overcome with emotion and it was a real shame that Grant wasn't there to share the experience with me, but so wonderful to properly feel the baby inside me.

It is sometimes easy to not feel very pregnant and to feel as though the baby will never arrive, but moments like that really confirm to me that I have a little person growing inside me and in a few months we'll meet that person!

I'm sure that there will come a time that I will have had enough of being kicked through the night, but for now, that little moment of movement has put a big smile on my face.

Monday Blues

I've had a bit of a weepy day today. I'm not even sure why!

I had my 16 week midwife appointment this morning, just like after my first appointment, I left feeling as though it had all been a bit of a waste of time!

I did get to hear my baby's heart beat, which a relief, not that I had been worrying about the baby (until she got the Doppler out!) and I had my urine tested, which was also fine.

I didn't really know what to expect from her today, but I didn't expect to feel so much in limbo - too far in to the pregnancy to be a concern, too early to be given any information about labour and what happens after the birth.

I know I should be pleased that there were no causes for concern, and I am, don't get me wrong, but it does leave me feeling that first time mothers really don't get much support from the professionals who are supposed to be overseeing the pregnancy and birth. It's no wonder websites offering forums and advice are so popular, and thank goodness they are so prolific, but do they always give the most accurate advice? I feel that I should take everything I read on-line with a pinch of salt.

Anyway, this didn't in itself set off the waterworks, generally work issues were to blame there, but I do think the feeling of disappointment I came away from the midwife with set me up to have an emotional day.

Sleep

For the last few weeks I have been finding it really hard to sleep. If it's not needing the loo that's waking me up, it's achey legs, strange dreams or Grant moving in his sleep (I am a very light sleeper!). My mum tells me to get used to it as it will only get worse further into my pregnancy I am - great, thanks Mum!

Last night however, I managed to sleep pretty well. Grant was away for the night and although I hate it when we sleep apart, I have to say, I sleep so much better when I have the bed to myself! A combination of pillows and cushions supporting me at various points (to keep me on my side) and just having the space seems to have done the trick!

Our bed is a standard double but it seems to feel increasingly small for us. I have a feeling we're going to have to invest in a larger bed, especially as my bump will be growing in the next few weeks and so there'll be even less space for us!

I'm trying to put it 0ff though as it wouldn't just be the bed we'd have to buy but a whole new lot of bedding too - add this to all the baby stuff we're going to have to buy soon and it becomes a small fortune.

Maybe last night is a taste of things to come and I'll be able to sleep a bit more comfortably even with Grant in the bed - let's hope so!

Health in Pregnancy

I've always been quite a healthy eater; I try and get at least my 5 a day in and steer clear of 'empty' calories - and if anything I have become more health concious since becoming pregnant as I want to give my baby the best possible start in life.

There are always times however when this all goes out the window, generally at the weekend, when meal times are less obvious and brunch merges into afternoon tea and the lure of a take away for supper is all too great.

Yesterday was one such occasion. We had very little food in the house, certainly nothing green or fresh and having spent the day snacking on carbs and home made flapjacks, we decided that a take away was a better idea than trying to put together a meal from our meagre supplies. Normally we would go for a curry as its our number one choice of take away food and we have a vast amount of really decent curry houses nearby. Being pregnant however, leaves me feeling less enthusiastic about our favourite so we decided to try a Chinese take away instead.

We have a cupboard in our kitchen which is full of the take away menus that get pushed through the front door, unfortunately only one was for a Chinese which meant we had very little choice.

So we ordered, they delivered and we ate. I'm now feeling hugely dehydrated which I put down to the MSG that was no doubt laced throughout everything. The sauces were ok at first bite but then we were hit with a chemical undertone that really shouldn't have been there! I think it's safe to say we won't be getting Chinese take away again any time soon!

I have decided that today I will be healthier - maybe not weekday healthy but I will definitely try to eat at least some of my five a day. At least I won't be tempted to eat any flapjacks - I've already finished them for breakfast!!