A little lost

Just got back from my 25 week antenatal check. All was well so should be feeling happy but I'm not!

I seem to get this feeling after every appointment; slightly unsure, lost and clueless... I think subconsciously I think that the MW or the Dr will impart some valuable piece of knowledge that isn't to be found in any book, blog or forum that I've read or that I'll feel some sort of kinship with them - both of these things is highly unlikely and it is silly of me to pile on so much expectation when:

a) I am an information addict - if its out there I have probably already read it! Not that I am a know it all otherwise I wouldn't be feeling lost.

b) Both midwives and doctors are very busy people and see many pregnant women, I am just one more to see - for me this is my first time so everything is new, for them it is all routine and I should be happy that they are not in any way concerned about my pregnancy.

c) I have seen a different person for each check, how can I expect to develop a rapport in a 15min slot?!?

Anyway, my next is in 3 weeks and this time Grant is coming too, at least I will have some moral support and may feel more reassured as I think we will be discussing antenatal classes and the hospital tour.

For now I shall focus on the fact that the baby and I are fine and we are almost into the 3rd trimester so in the grand scheme of things, not long now till feb!

My Growing Bump

My bump has really started to grow now and I'm feeling huge! I'll be 24 weeks tomorrow and I keep reading that life starts to get more uncomfortable from here on as the baby will be having a growth spurt and putting on weight in the next couple of weeks.

Although I feel huge, whenever I see another pregnant women I suddenly feel quite small and inferior!

Anyway, to prove to myself that my tummy really is growing I took a photo this morning and although I look smaller than I feel, there is no mistaking my pregnant state!

It's not a great photo - I'm no artist and the light is all wrong!

Trip to hospital

I had a busy day on Wednesday; an old friend came down to London and we had a day walking about the shops. Half way through the afternoon I started to feel a tensing in my bump, a feeling that I hadn't had before, but I put to the back of my mind, not wanting to ruin the afternoon with any fuss.

By yesterday I was feeling pretty drained and after speaking to my Mum about the tensing, I realised I'd probably been feeling the beginnings of Braxton Hicks contractions. Both Mum and I thought it was possibly a bit early for these and although probably nothing to worry about, she said to call the midwife if it kept happening.

I got some more last night and again this morning so called the midewife team and was told to call the labour ward. They advised me it was probably nothing to worry about but could I come in and have a check up... this, of course, sent me in to panic overdrive!

2 hours and several checks from the hospital midwife and the doctor later, I am relieved to say that they sent me home. Panic over! It wasn't anything to worry about and the baby and I are ok, phew!

On a different note, it was great to see the labour ward as it really put my mind at ease about the birth. I had always been really unsure about hospital births. I am generally nervous in strange places and am a bit of a control freak. From quite early into my pregnancy I looked into a home birth and although I haven't spoken to my midwife about it yet, it was something that I was really keen on - mostly because I was really anti going to hospital!

Having seen the labour ward, I am reassured that it is not such a scary place, everyone was very friendly and helpful and the beds were in small wards of 4 or 6 - not quite the image I had of huge wards filled with screaming newborns and tired mothers.

Nightmare day in the rain

Yesterday was horrible!

It all started on our way home from the scan on Weds. The car started flashing engine malfunction at me, so I stopped, pulled over and we checked the oil. Nothing seemed a miss so we carried on. Half way home it happened again, this time, luckily, we were outside a Ford dealership so we thought we'd see what they had to say.

Yesterday I made the trek on the tube down to collect the car. There is quite a walk at either end of the journey and I got completely soaked in the rain, twice!

Having retrieved the keys from reception, asked lots of questions and been calmed by the receptionist that it was unlikely to happen again, I found the car and made my merry way on to Cambridge where I was due to attend a business advice day.

Halfway there, on the M11, engine malfunction started flashing and the car started to slow down all on it's own. I had a little panic as the hard shoulder was all coned up but I thought I can't stop on the carriage way. I generally panic in these sorts of situations; alone, vulnerable, stranded... all reduce me to tears at the best of times, added to 'Oh my god I've somehow killed the car, what do I do!' I was pretty tragic at this point!

As the car is a company car and not mine, my first call was to my boss/step dad, who managed to calm me down enough to get the details from me. He called the dealership to explain (probably rather forcefully) that I was stuck on the motorway hardshoulder only 30mins after leaving them and what were they going to do about it.... a recovery vehicle was despatched.

I sat on a fence outside the car as I have been told on many occasions that it is not safe to stay in the car when parked on the motor way. It was still raining and despite my 2 coats, I was soaked again in minutes!

Finally, 2 hours after I'd call my stepdad, I saw the flashing lights of the recovery truck - my rescuer! I think he took pity on me being pregnant as he was just meant to take me and the car back to the dealership but then gave me a lift home too which saved me the tube journey and another soaking. Phew.

As soon as I got home I had a nice hot bath and a cup of tea. I felt like I was coming down with a cold but thankfully that seems to have subsided, now I just feel dog tired. Got to pep up before 6 as I'm out on a rare evening on the town... well, a film screening and dinner out, nothing too outrageous or hopefully too late!

Gosh this is a long post about not very much but I needed to get yesterday out of my system!

20 week scan

We had our anomaly scan today and everything is looking healthy and the measurements were all good.
The sonographer was about 90% sure it's a girl. I'm so excited and happy just to know that the baby is growing well and it's great to be able to address my bump as her rather than it!

We had no preference for a girl or a boy but I'm so excited now we know - almost for sure... My mum is really smug because she's been convinced we were having a girl from the moment we told her.

Can't wait to meet her in person now - February seems a long way off!

Salt and Sugar

People keep asking me if I've had any cravings yet and so far I haven't had any weird and wonderful cravings for anything specific (apart from mashed potato but think that was just because it was easy to stomach during my 1st trimester).

Lately however, I have noticed a definite trend towards sugary and salty snacks. I sent Grant out to buy me dairy milk last week and pork scratchings this week, I seem drawn to the olive counter in the supermarket and can't resist the freshly cooked chocolate cookies.

Normally I get my sweet fix from fresh fruit, which I still love and get plenty of, but it just doesn't quite cut it at the moment. As for the salty stuff, I don't really eat much normally at all, which makes me think maybe it's signalling a deficiency in something... must look it up on google!

Right, I'm now off to find some chocolate!

Working and Walking

Working from home has its benefits:

• no daily commute (especially beneficial in pregnancy)
• no overbearing manager checking what I'm doing every 5 mins
• flexibility - I can pop out to the shops/put on some laundry/bake some bread whilst still working

But it also have some definite downfalls:

• not much work social scene
• no one to chat to over the water cooler
• no reason to leave the house - I realised yesterday that I hadn't left the house since sunday, that's 4 days!!

Don't worry, at that point I decided that enough was enough and walked down to meet Grant at the station.

The trouble is, I'm not very good at doing exercise at all. Walking is about as active I get! I love going for walks if I have someone to join me - a dog or child will do - and I am happy to walk most places if I have a purpose - need to pop to the shops, post a letter etc - but I'm not very good at just walking aimlessly on my own. I feel a bit silly walking around my area for no reason and if I go off the beaten path, I don't feel very safe on my own - who knows what could happen and no one would know where I was... I am a worrier in general!

We live in a small flat so I'm expecting to need lots of 'get out of the house' plans once the baby arrives. I hope having a baby to push around and to take to feed the ducks will give me more drive to get out of the house and get some air and a change of scenery.